My husband and I have been watching some of our favorite movies from the 80s and 90s with my stepdaughter on the weeks that she’s with us this summer. A few weeks ago, we watched City Slickers.
The scene where Jack Palance’s character Curly explains to Billy Crystal’s character Mitch what the meaning of life is prompted a discussion about my husband’s one thing. I got quiet and buried my head in a book.
Later, when my husband asked what was bothering me, I explained that I never found my one thing. I turn fifty this year, and I still don’t know why I’m here and what makes me happy. I’ve learned a lot about myself in my healing journey, but I still have a lot more to learn.
In the last 30 years, I’ve tackled cancer, low self-esteem, emotional eating, and so much more. I’ve created a life I love with the man of my dreams. I have a great job and am building a business that will allow me to be work-optional. I have a great life.
But I have no idea what that one thing is, because I spent my first 30 years of my life trying to please everyone but myself. I’ve had to spend the last 20 years trying to figure who I am regardless of other people’s expectations.
I’m grateful to have a supportive husband and a chosen family that understands my struggle. Without them, I wouldn’t be where I am. I also wouldn’t be able to keep pushing forward to find that one thing.
This year, my word was Joy. I wanted to uncover what brought me joy and helped me stay present. Maybe next year my journey will be to find that one thing.
