I used to fill every silence with something–words, action, noise. Anything to keep things moving, so I didn’t have to feel how miserable I was. Anything so I didn’t have to face the life I built on other people’s expectations.
When I stopped and finally let the silence in, I broke. Shattered. Collapsed.
But the light made its way back into my heart. I felt God, and I was no longer alone. I was overwhelmed but held in the Divine.
I could no longer live a life that wasn’t mine.
In the Silence, I heard the girl I used to be. The girl who laughed and believed the world was a beautiful place even in the middle of her pain. The girl who was going to write great books and do great things. The girl who believed that through God all things we’re possible and that faith the size of a mustard seed could move mountains.
I wanted to look in the mirror and see her smile instead of the sadness and dark circles staring back at me.
I let people call her selfish, foolish, and immature. I let people beat her out of me with constant criticism and judgement. I didn’t defend her, fight for her, or love her. So she went quiet.
In the Silence, I found her. I made amends. I vowed to love her unconditionally and to help her fulfill her dreams. I vowed to protect her and fight for her.
In the Silence, God showed me the way.
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