I’ve been thinking a lot lately about the lies women tell themselves. We’re really good at pretending we’re happy when we’re not, at pretending we’re ok when we’re not.
I’ve been unlearning how to do that.
One of the biggest lies I told myself? I was happy being fat, because it was normal to gain weight as I got older.
I got fat because I was miserable. I was married to a covert narcissist who not only criticized everything I did or said but everything my daughter did too. My ex knew I had self- esteem issues and knew how to exploit them.
I started feeding my feelings of inadequacy rather than facing them. Every time I would get criticized, or he would stop talking to me for a week over yet another perceived slight, I would abuse my body with food.
It got worse after I gave up smoking. I spent years smoking. I started because I knew my mother hated it. It was a way to simultaneously abuse myself and flip her the bird every time she made me feel like crap about myself.
When I quit smoking, I turned to food. I ended up 85 pounds heavier. I hated my life but was pretending everything was ok.
I took a serious health scare to finally commit to losing the weight, but that weight loss required admitting why I was overeating.
How many of us can relate to that? Trying to make toxic relationships work by telling ourselves lies.
What lies do you tell yourself to get through toxic situations?